Patrice Kindl

There was a fanfic author who wrote a cannibalistic mermaid story and described it as "intentionally dumb garbage." I didn't read the fic. I haven't read any fic in awhile. But I remembered the phrase "intentionally dumb garbage". Right before I read this book, I thought of that phrase for no reason. Except twenty-five pages into the book, I considered this book to be that. I think the author giggled to herself, wanted to write a book with various tropes, and had this published. I first read this book when I was a teenager and heavy into reading piles of books that had teacher-student relationships. I wondered what I'd think of it as an adult and yeah, noted in the review previously. I remember taking it seriously as a teenager while simultaneously being terribly confused.

Were-owls. Okay. I took little notice of were-animals in romance novels until I was an adult. I took it for granted growing up that werewolf stories were common, especially romances. Twenty years later, it seems like were-animal stories are everywhere. I like that the cover model is not smiling. Fits the character super well. The narrator-protagonist is named Owl because the author wasn't going for subtlety here. Did the parents know she would be a were-owl when they picked the name? Best left unanswered, since logic would dissolve the world-building. Owls mate for life, the young teenager insists. So why does she fall in love with a boy three quarters of the way through the book, after she's spazzed out hardcore over her thirty-four-year-old English teacher since he's the plot of the book? Even with how fucking weird this book is, that was a jarring plot twist. Not that it wasn't welcome. Get with someone your own age and who's not in a position of authority over you.

Why are the parents okay with and encouraging the crush? Why do they firmly believe a thirty-four-year-old man is their daughter's soulmate? Why do they constantly, unquestioningly agree with everything their child does? Does the child go to a physician or a veterinarian when she's sick? What shows up on her medical tests? Can she get vaccines? Do her parents have bird lung disease? Shouldn't they have to have an exotic pet license? Why don't they teach her boundaries or tips on how to make friends? She would ignore that, but I would have appreciated the effort. They--don't even really seem to raise her, really. They just go along with whatever. She's pretentious and insufferable. She's almost antagonistic towards girls who have tried to be her friend. One manages to get through to her, and she's just so disdainful in her head. She barely says a word normally, and has the powers of Epic Stare Down To Get Her Way. She considers herself above humans. She makes no effort to blend in. The identity struggle that accompanies were-animals in every media ever, is much needed here but is largely absent. It's a big part of these stories, and I wanted to read about her going through it. She barely does, and acts like she has it already figured out. Then a boy her own age shows up and things shift a little.

She transfers the exact feelings and ways of socializing that she had towards her teacher, onto this fellow were-owl within a few pages. It was weird and unconvincing. So's the book's end. I'm glad the teacher never really knew that his student was stalking him nightly and obsessed with him. Even with those elements, this story was super boring. I was relieved when it ended.
I'm glad I read it again, even though I disliked it now.… (more)

Fieldnotes:
Yorkshire, England, Regency

1 Mercenary (By Necessity) Beautiful Teen Girl Seeking Wealthy Spouse
2 Awful, Miserly Stepsisters (Cinderella Style)
1 Charming Heiress Artist with Smallpox Scars

Unsuitable Suitors
1 Handsome Baron with an Unfortunate Name
1 Intelligent Aristocrat with Excellent Dancing Skills
1 Brusque, Preoccupied, Financially-Minded Young Man Short on Social Niceties but Large of Heart
Meddling Matchmaking Oblivious to Everyone's True Feelings Ostensibly For Their Own Good

1 Crumbling Castle
2 Plot Moppets
1 Adorable and Persistent Dog
Scandalous Reading Material!

1 Gorse Bush Whose Buzzy Occupants Do Not Appreciate Dramatically Morbid Poetry Recitations and Who Express Their Critique Through Stinging
1 Near Drowning
1 Large, Barely Sentient Cloud of Curious Sheep
Laundry - A Novel Experience for a Handkerchief
Calamity!!!

The Short Version:
Kind of I Capture the Castle meets Austen (though perhaps more Emma than P&P).
We have our beautiful teen heroine determined to save the family fortune by marrying well, but scaring off suitors by being too forthright. We have a castle that keeps reminding me of the one in Disney's The Sword in the Stone with its crumbling and leaking (no cantankerous owls, though, more's the pity). We have a handsome aristocrat and his tactlessly brusque cousin (in TRADE!) and terrible selfish stepsisters. It is all fairly predictable in a very enjoyable sort of way, and the phrasing (particularly the gorse bush scene) made me laugh. Happy to keep this one around.… (more)

On the regency romance scale, this ranks smack in the middle between [a:Julia Quinn|63898|Julia Quinn|http://photo.goodreads.com/authors/1210188891p2/63898.jpg] and [b:Pride and Prejudice|1885|Pride and Prejudice|Jane Austen|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1320399351s/1885.jpg|3060926]. It's fun and quick to read like a JQ, but it's also refined and observant like P&P.

Our heroine Althea starts out a little ruthless. At 17, her mission in life is to marry a rich man to save her family from near poverty. As is common in books likes these, a handsome young man in possession of a good fortune moves into Althea's neighborhood and the chase ensues. Add in Althea's wicked-ish stepsisters, a ridiculous crumbling castle, and some excellent verbal sparring and you've got a truly enjoyable tale worthy of comparisons to Jane Austen.… (more)